How to Apply "No-Makeup" Makeup: A Guide for Mature Women 1. Gather lots of makeup. However much makeup you think it will take to achieve the no-makeup look, it will take far…www.mcsweeneys.net

Prayer of the Assistant Professor Going up for Tenure Please, Tenure Gods of My Institution, please find it within Yourselves to grant me tenure by looking to your own…www.mcsweeneys.net

Jesus Christ Applies for VP of Student Success To the Hiring Committee: My name is Jesus Christ, and I am applying for the posted position of Vice President of…www.mcsweeneys.net

Of All Your Teaching Skills, Passion Is the Most Important Dear Prospective Teacher, Are you passionate? I mean, REALLY passionate? Are you so passionate it hurts? Because here's…www.mcsweeneys.net

Due to the Teacher Shortage, Washington High School is Now Operating in Goblin Mode "'Goblin mode' - a slang term referring to 'a type of behavior which is unapologetically self-indulgent, lazy…www.mcsweeneys.net

I Eat the Flesh of Fatphobic Men Listen up, men. I know you hate women like me. I know that when I unhinge my jaw to eat an entire bagel slathered in…medium.com College Football Lives Matter A Proposal to Pass Gun Laws (But Only During Game Times)medium.com I’m the Busch Latte House Husband Who Tried to Build the Nuclear Bunker I Have to Give Myself Some Creditcarlynlowe.medium.com

Things I, A White Teenage Influencer, Have Learned from Florida Man Headlines. Florida Man flashes buttocks at IHOP after impersonating a police officer to get free food. Wow, guys. Let me tell you…medium.com Why Every #NoBonesDay Should Be Regarded Nationally. “The senior pup has captivated TikTok with “no bones,” a game his owner Jonathan Graziano plays and records nearly…medium.com What It’s Like Having Pockets Faker Than My Orgasms: A Compendium. Where the fuck are my keys?medium.com

My College Tour is in Derry, Maine, and I Think I Heard Carnival Music Coming from the Sewers By: Anna Powersmedium.com