Billy Joel’s “She’s Got a Way About Her,” Edited by Men on Dating Apps
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*with apologies to Billy Joel
She’s got a way about her
I don’t know what it is because I didn’t actually read her profile
But I know that I can’t live life to the fullest without her as my partner in crime
She’s got a way of pleasin’
I don’t know what it is, but I assume most women want to please strange men from Match.com
But there doesn’t have to be a reason
Anyway (but the reason is probably that she’s super turned on by this picture of me holding a fish)
She’s got a smile that heals me
I don’t know why it is that I so badly need women to smile, but I definitely do
But I have to laugh when she reveals me, or at least that’s what my therapist suggested as an alternative to my usual tendency to completely lose my shit the second I sense any woman is not taking me as seriously as I feel I deserve
She’s got a way of talkin, and talkin’, and talkin’, and talkin’, you know how women are
I don’t know what it is, but it must be that they’re needy and desperate, and I am so NOT INTO DRAMA, which is something I wrote on my Hinge profile in the same paragraph where I mention my three ex-wives and claim to be a risk-taker who has bungee-jumped off Mount Everest
But it lifts me up when we are walkin’
Anywhere, but mostly on a beach because I love walks along the beach, sunsets, live music, and laughing
She comes to me when I’m feelin’ down
Inspires me without a sound, because again, I’ve really had it with all the talking
She touches me and I get turned around because my love language is physical touch
She’s got a way of showin’
How I make her feel, too frequently with the “block and report” feature on Bumble
And I find the strength to keep on goin’ to the gym, which is where I took all my shirtless selfies
She’s got a light around her and a glass-half-full attitude, which is something I feel comfortable demanding of women I’ve never met and know nothing about
And everywhere she goes, she’ll go on the back seat of this sweet Harley featured in all 27 of my profile pics
A million dreams of love surround her
Everywhere, but hopefully within a one-mile radius of me, because my Harley’s not actually operational right now and I’m kind of in between cars
She’s got a way about her so I sent her a bunch of “hey gorgeous” messages
I don’t know what it is because I still haven’t read her profile
But I know that I can’t live without her, especially right now because I’m really behind on child support and these Harley repairs are not cheap.
Anyway, hey you up?
