Jennie Young : Selected Writing
Writer and English professor in Green Bay. Humor and public writing in McSweeney’s, Ms. Mag, The Independent, HuffPost, Education Week, Inside Higher Ed, Slackjaw, Weekly Humorist, Points in Case, Better Humans, others; academic work elsewhere.
Ph. D. in rhetoric and discourse studies from Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, certificate in satire writing from The Second City Chicago. Director of the Writing Foundations Program at University of Wisconsin, Green Bay. Editor of the academic satire site The Monocle of Higher Education.
Follow and subscribe: https://tinyurl.com/jennieyoungwriter
Follow on Twitter: @jenner_young
Humor and Satire
If I Ran My Classroom The Way Airlines Operate In America
I would strap all my students into their chairs and claim it’s for their safety.
The Transition from Homeschooling to Home-colleging Hasn’t Been as Smooth as We Hoped
by Jennie Young and Christopher Shelley
The Narrator of "Jessie's Girl" Offers an Apology after Completing His Master's in Women's and…
I want to begin by owning my white male privilege and apologizing to the American public, in particular to the woman…
Due to the Teacher Shortage, Washington High School is Now Operating in Goblin Mode
"'Goblin mode' - a slang term referring to 'a type of behavior which is unapologetically self-indulgent, lazy…
How to Apply "No-Makeup" Makeup: A Guide for Mature Women
1. Gather lots of makeup. However much makeup you think it will take to achieve the no-makeup look, it will take far…
Initial Report on the Labradoodle Integration Project at Gates of the Arctic National Park
In the past, wolves have been successfully reintroduced to national parks to preserve the biodiversity of the land and…
Prayer of the Assistant Professor Going up for Tenure
Please, Tenure Gods of My Institution, please find it within Yourselves to grant me tenure by looking to your own…
Jesus Christ Applies for VP of Student Success
To the Hiring Committee: My name is Jesus Christ, and I am applying for the posted position of Vice President of…
As a Teacher, I Agree With Mitch McConnell: Parents Should Tell Schools What to Teach
"Mitch McConnell on Saturday told Attorney General Merrick Garland that parents 'absolutely should be telling' local…
Of All Your Teaching Skills, Passion Is the Most Important
Dear Prospective Teacher, Are you passionate? I mean, REALLY passionate? Are you so passionate it hurts? Because here's…
I Am Your Completely Politically Neutral Professor, and it’s the Week after the Presidential…
It doesn’t matter at all to me who won or lost this election.
CDC Releases New Safe Sex Guidelines for Sterilized and Unsterilized People
Fully sterilized people can have sex with each other outdoors without wearing a condom. Unless there are a lot of other…
The New Ten-Factor Authentication Processes for University Faculty
Dear Faculty, Beginning next semester, we will be moving from two-factor to ten-factor authentication requirements for…
Out-Of-Office Messages To Ensure They Never E-Mail You Again
I will return a week from Tuesday. I’m in a mandatory training about how to stop sharing computer viruses via e-mail…
Two Beers and a Puppy: Test Results for American Presidents | Robot Butt
This Presidents' Day, we're applying the "two beers and a puppy" test to our country's commanders in chief: George…
My Boyfriend Says I'm Smothering Him
My boyfriend Cody claims he feels suffocated and gets zero alone time or guy time. But I feel like he gets away from me…
List: Simple Lines to Drop for Getting Out of Babysitting Your Friends' New Baby
Have you seen that Dateline episode about the swimming babies? Anyone can breastfeed, right? My cat would love that…
Area Man Refuses To Get Liver Transplant Without Some Sort Of Incentive
After his doctor informed him that a matching donor was found for his liver transplant, recent reports show area man…
I Just Figured Out Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work
Basically, we’re doing it all wrong. We’re all being selfish.
I Gamed The Mommy Blogging Gig, And Now I Make Boatloads Of Money: Here’s How
I had some babies — duh! Most mommy bloggers also have a hunky blonde husband, but all I’ve got is Jeff. Jeff is pudgy…
Adjunct Professor or Sex Worker: Who Said It?
“This is just temporary. It’s not like I’m making a career out of it.”
Adjunct Professor Or Woman Dating A Dude Who Won’t Commit: Who Said It?
I know I should end it, but I’ve invested so much time.
We Are Lobsters, and We’re Ending Our Contract with Dr. Jordan Peterson
We’ve decided to come forward because this lobster-mascot situation has spun out of control.
Coronavirus Task Force Pivots to Fight Murder Hornets | The Satirist
In a stunning announcement at Monday evening’s White House press briefing, President Trump stated that the Coronavirus…
How to Gaslight Your English Comp Students
For the first essay, assign a personal narrative. In your grading comments, suggest that the student appears to be…
FAQ’s About the COVID-19 Nationwide Hibernation Proposal
In the aftermath of the collapse of the federal government, we, the United Governors** of the United States of America…
Bloom’s Taxonomy of COVID-Focused Learning Outcomes for University Students
Students will list logical questions: If hand sanitizer is just alcohol, can we drink it?
Dove Chocolate Promises, Amended For COVID-19
We at Dove® Chocolate Promises stand with America and with the world in this time of fear and uncertainty. It has come…
“The More the Merrier”: Plot Summary of Hallmark’s First Polyamory Christmas Movie
Kaylee Carmichael, a 28-year-old single food critic for a New York City newspaper, goes back to her tiny Wisconsin…
Creative Nonfiction and Journalism
Opinion: I tried an alternative way to date - and it worked
After years of frustration on dating apps, I still desperately wanted to find the needle in the haystack. On a night…
Stop Praising Colleen Hoover’s ‘It Ends With Us.’ Here’s What You’re Missing — Ms. Magazine
Colleen Hoover’s best-selling novel, It Ends With Us, was the sixth best-selling book of 2021, BookTok is going nuts…
My Fear Of Spiders Was So Debilitating, I’m In Exposure Therapy. Here’s What It’s Like.
Five months ago, I could not bring myself to tap on the spider emoji on my iPhone. One month ago, I began carrying a…
I Walked Out of Al-Anon and Never Went Back
For those of us who love addicts, cold turkey is the only withdrawal method that works
Another Drowning in the Adjunct Pool | The Offing
“I’m trying to decide whether to finish grading this set of freshman comp essays or just kill myself,” I joked to my…
Want To Meet Decent Men Online? Write a Bitchy Profile
I ignored a lot of the common “wisdom” about writing good dating profiles to game the system so that it worked for me
Smithville, Ohio: Storm Krissy
This essay is part of the Great Lakes Review’s Narrative Map project. There was an atmospheric shift every time Krissy…
Rhetoric, Embodiment, and the Ethos of Surveillance: Student Bodies in the American High School
Hardcover: 158 pages
Publisher: Lexington Books (June 14, 2017)
How freshman comp courses have weaponized academic citation (opinion)
Here’s the scenario: you are an adjunct faculty member, which is the case for the majority of people who teach…
View of How to Subvert your University’s Canned Curriculum | Radical Teacher
The Case for Limiting School Security
Commentary “We have to harden our schools, not soften them up,” President Donald Trump said at a White House event days…
Humor Co-authored with Christopher Shelley
Mrs. Sally Johnson To Retire From Blow-jobbing
She leaves behind a legacy of diligence, technical efficacy, and mild TMJ
Reasons We Broke Up And Got Back Together During The Pandemic
He didn’t “get” me, but Tinder was too scary because of the virus and it was easier to just get back together.