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Jolene Actually Did Take My Man, and This is What Happened: A Retrospective (Happy 78th to Dolly!)
I begged her not to take him. I said, “I had to have this talk with you, my happiness depends on you, and whatever you decide to do, Jolene.” But she took him anyway.
Having my man taken was the worst thing I could ever imagine, and I knew at that moment that my life was ruined, so I packed up and went to Nashville and signed a contract with a record label. I was crushed.
I stayed up nights wondering what Jolene was doing with my man.
After the record label and dealing with Nashville and everything, I dabbled in acting a bit, kept singing my songs, just tried to keep myself busy. I even wrote a song about you-know-who, and it rocketed up the charts and got nominated for a Grammy. It didn’t matter, though, because I was so miserable without my man.
I heard Jolene and my man moved into one side of a duplex together back in Tennessee.
Anyway, I guess I didn’t realize how much time and energy I had been spending on my man until Jolene took him because after she did I won 11 Grammys, a Lifetime Achievement Award, ten Country Music Association awards, four People’s Choice Awards, and three American Music Awards. Of course all of it paled in comparison to what Jolene had, which was my man.
And while I can easily understand how she could easily take my man, it didn’t make living without him any easier. My girlfriends suggested I stop focusing on the “how” and really interrogate the “why,” but they don’t know what he means to me, my friends.
I tried to not think about Jolene and my man together because the good book says that envy rots the bones, but of course it was difficult. To keep my mind off them I got inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but the only halls I ever really dreamed of were the ones in the house of Jolene and my man.
Turns out it wasn’t even a duplex, though, just a studio apartment, so no halls I guess. I heard Jolene and my man had a couple kids, some substance abuse problems, mild run-ins with the law, that kind of thing, and eventually got evicted. I’m not sure where the kids went.
