Working in the Hot Zone Lab at the CDC or Attending Trump Rally in Tulsa?

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1. Must sign a death waiver to enter.

2. Populated by living test subjects that are sentient but lack higher-order reasoning skills.

3. Will be exposed to excessively high levels of viral contagion.

4. Must be able to protect oneself from physically strong primates who are frequently filled with rage and prone to random violence.

5. Organizers have history of containing innocent and nonthreatening beings in cages.

6. Activities funded by ethically questionable sources.

7. Inhabitants/attendees often kept in complete darkness.

8. Requires decontamination procedures after exiting.

9. May make reintegration to civilian life difficult/dysfunctional.

Written by

English professor and humor writer based in Green Bay. McSweeney’s, Points in Case, HuffPost, Slackjaw, Little Old Lady Comedy, Human Parts, others.

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