PinnedThe Narrator of Jessie’s Girl Offers an Apology after Completing His Master’s in Women’s and Gender StudiesThe Narrator of "Jessie's Girl" Offers an Apology after Completing His Master's in Women's and… I want to begin by owning my white male privilege and apologizing to the American public, in particular to the woman…www.mcsweeneys.netHumor1 min readHumor1 min read
PinnedHow to Apply “No-Makeup Makeup”: A Guide for Mature WomenHow to Apply "No-Makeup" Makeup: A Guide for Mature Women 1. Gather lots of makeup. However much makeup you think it will take to achieve the no-makeup look, it will take far…www.mcsweeneys.net1 min read1 min read
PinnedPrayer of the Assistant Professor Going up for TenurePrayer of the Assistant Professor Going up for Tenure Please, Tenure Gods of My Institution, please find it within Yourselves to grant me tenure by looking to your own…www.mcsweeneys.netSatire1 min readSatire1 min read
PinnedJesus Christ Applies For VP of Student SuccessJesus Christ Applies for VP of Student Success To the Hiring Committee: My name is Jesus Christ, and I am applying for the posted position of Vice President of…www.mcsweeneys.net1 min read1 min read
PinnedOf All Your Teaching Skills, Passion is the Most ImportantOf All Your Teaching Skills, Passion Is the Most Important Dear Prospective Teacher, Are you passionate? I mean, REALLY passionate? Are you so passionate it hurts? Because here's…www.mcsweeneys.netEducation1 min readEducation1 min read
Published in Slackjaw·2 days agoMember-onlyIf I Ran My Classroom The Way Airlines Operate In AmericaI would strap all my students into their chairs and claim it’s for their safety. Tuition would be insanely expensive and wholly unrelated to my level of effectiveness. It might even go up as I get worse. Regardless of published schedule, classes would start and end whenever I feel like…Humor2 min readHumor2 min read
Feb 26Burn the Haystack. How to Game the Apps and Meet your Man.If you’re ready to try a new method of dating — one that is far more efficient and effective — I’m ready to talk with you. I am currently writing a book based upon this method, and I’m building a cohort of women who are willing to test the method, with my guidance. Read these two articles for background, and if you’re game, join the private facebook group here. Opinion: I tried an alternative way to date - and it worked After years of frustration on dating apps, I still desperately wanted to find the needle in the haystack. On a night…www.independent.co.ukWomen1 min readWomen1 min read
Published in The Monocle of Higher Ed·Feb 24Member-onlyThe Transition from Homeschooling to Home-colleging Hasn’t Been as Smooth as We Hopedby Jennie Young and Christopher Shelley We’ve home-schooled Braedon and Makayla since kindergarten. …Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Dec 7, 2022Due to the Teacher Shortage, Washington High School is Now Operating in Goblin ModeDue to the Teacher Shortage, Washington High School is Now Operating in Goblin Mode "'Goblin mode' - a slang term referring to 'a type of behavior which is unapologetically self-indulgent, lazy…www.mcsweeneys.netEducation1 min readEducation1 min read