PinnedThe Narrator of Jessie’s Girl Offers an Apology after Completing His Master’s in Women’s and Gender StudiesThe Narrator of "Jessie's Girl" Offers an Apology after Completing His Master's in Women's and… I want to begin by owning my white male privilege and apologizing to the American public, in particular to the woman…www.mcsweeneys.netHumor1 min readHumor1 min read
PinnedHow to Apply “No-Makeup Makeup”: A Guide for Mature WomenHow to Apply "No-Makeup" Makeup: A Guide for Mature Women 1. Gather lots of makeup. However much makeup you think it will take to achieve the no-makeup look, it will take far…www.mcsweeneys.net1 min read1 min read
PinnedPrayer of the Assistant Professor Going up for TenurePrayer of the Assistant Professor Going up for Tenure Please, Tenure Gods of My Institution, please find it within Yourselves to grant me tenure by looking to your own…www.mcsweeneys.netSatire1 min readSatire1 min read
PinnedJesus Christ Applies For VP of Student SuccessJesus Christ Applies for VP of Student Success To the Hiring Committee: My name is Jesus Christ, and I am applying for the posted position of Vice President of…www.mcsweeneys.net1 min read1 min read
PinnedOf All Your Teaching Skills, Passion is the Most ImportantOf All Your Teaching Skills, Passion Is the Most Important Dear Prospective Teacher, Are you passionate? I mean, REALLY passionate? Are you so passionate it hurts? Because here's…www.mcsweeneys.netEducation1 min readEducation1 min read
4 days agoWhat it Means When a Woman Says She is “Sex Positive,” According to Brian from HingeWhat It Means When a Woman Says She Is "Sex Positive," According to Brian from Hinge Sex-positive women are kinky and down for anything with anyone, all the time. Sex-positive women take a strong positive…www.mcsweeneys.netHumor1 min readHumor1 min read
Oct 13Member-onlyIf You’re an Anxiously-Attached Person in a Relationship with an Avoidant Person, You May Be Feeling Sick; Here’s a Path Toward HealthI’m a professor and researcher who studies dating dynamics and helps people navigate those dynamics. I moderate a Facebook group of 13,000 women and nonbinary folks called Burned Haystack Dating Method™, and I’m writing this piece in response to discussions we’ve had in the group about attachment theory and what…Women5 min readWomen5 min read
Aug 30Online Dating Was Hell. Then I Tried 1 Thing That Turned Out To Be A Total Game Changer.Online Dating Was Hell. Then I Tried 1 Thing That Turned Out To Be A Total Game Changer. "The women I know are suddenly meeting men who are respectful and relationship-minded, and we're actually going out on…www.huffpost.comWomen1 min readWomen1 min read
Aug 21CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW ACADEMIC POSITION OF ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF ANNUAL REVIEWS, MERIT REVIEWS, PEER REVIEWS, STUDENT EVALUATIONS, TENURE REVIEW, POST-TENURE REVIEW, AND [YOUR DISCIPLINE]Congratulations on Your New Academic Position of Assistant Professor of Annual Reviews, Merit… Welcome to our faculty. We have recently changed our titling norms to more accurately reflect how you will allocate…www.mcsweeneys.netHigher Education1 min readHigher Education1 min read
Aug 15Member-onlyFrustrated with the Apps? Try the “Burned Haystack” Dating MethodI’m going to introduce you to a method called “Burned Haystack Dating.” It’s far more effective and efficient than what most people do — but before I explain it, you must understand a few things: The method was developed as a result of an academic research project that is entirely…Dating5 min readDating5 min read